Tell her she can't have a vagina
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
