i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
