If i come over, it means nothing
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
