Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
