his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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