he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
