Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
