my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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