I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
