so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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