i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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