I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
