it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
