soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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