as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
