Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
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Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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