Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
