Im at strip club and am horny
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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