Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
