Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
