the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
