i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
