Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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