This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You made out with two different species that night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize