I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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