I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
