I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
