well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
