Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ketchup is God's man juice
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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