You're completely useless in the revolution.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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