I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
