The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
