You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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