OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
