Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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