I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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