Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
