In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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