Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
