He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
