Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
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day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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