I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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