Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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