he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We had to coat check the pizza.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
