I need help removing her.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
