I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm too high and old for this...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
