New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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