woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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