Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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