the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Randomize
