i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
