I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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