I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
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At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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