just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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