It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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