I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
