just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You smell like stripper and shame
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
