Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
