in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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