hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sacagawea was the original milf.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We talked him into tasing himself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
