Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
