Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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