i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
