3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
