We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
