My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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