I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
P.S. I can't hear my feet
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
